Dreams Re-Visited

How is it that you find yourself sitting on the floor with a man laughing so hard you can barely catch your breath? You take the time to think about the moment and realize you are in a place you were sure you would never be again, comfortable with a man. No sexual demands, no pressure to impress because this man is interested in knowing just you. I met a man who see's me, not the me I present in the hopes that I will be accepted but just plain old, goofy, sensitive, geeky at times beautiful in my own way, me. And I love it. Listening in the dark to his voice as he shares secrets and as I share mine I think how quickly it all came about or was it a slow gradual awakening that sort of snuck up on me without any warning. Every woman I have ever spoken to has always expressed a need and desire to be "seen" by a man. To have that one man see the real her and love it and not only love her but understand who she is and who she can become and how this becoming can affect him in a positive way. I dreamt the same thing they dreamed and wished that which they wished and now that it's here I'm...afraid. Afraid I'm dreaming and when I wake up I'll be alone again or he will realize that the real me is..not enough.

Scary in a Good Way

Recently I found myself embarking on a journey into a new relationship. After a bad divorce and several failures at attempted relationships, this was some place I had no desire to be again, yet here I was. I have to admit, I was afraid and not just apprehensive I was down right scared. I'd convinced myself that it was obvious I was no good at the dating or relationship thing and perhaps I should pursue a life of getting to know me. (It was going really well until people noticed I was talking to...well, me and thought I was strange) Any way I go out on the first date with no expectations and was pleasantly surprised. The guy was intelligent, witty, sensitive and he had a knack for making me laugh. I was feeling him and wondered as a lady of this current century should I wait and see if he asks me out again or do I say something (did I mention I haven't been on a date in 13 years? So yeah I was pretty rusty.) I decided to be the initiator, I said, "So what next?" (Now of course I have second guessed myself at least 1500 times since I asked the question) Oh no he's going to think I'm desperate, he's going to think I'm pushy, he's going to think... 8 million other things. I was stressed out and what was only seconds seemed like hours. He finally answered and said How about Saturday? Saturday? It was Wednesday, and already he wanted to see me again on Saturday? I mean what's the rush fella? Did I say that? What I meant to say was sure, Saturday sounds great. So he hugs me (and it was a good hug not one of those scary icky kind that makes you want to take a shower, but the kind that makes you sigh and like a teenager you replay it over and over again in your mind. ) So now here I am going out on a second date and we've been talking and texting and IM'ing all week. He says maybe one day you can cook dinner for me. Me cook, does canned ravioli count as cooking? I've decided to have one of my good friends who is also a phenomenal cook and baker give me some classes. Not for him for me, I'd like to broaden my horizons and I figure if it will make me look exceptionally well on a date all the better. So I'm still scared about this dating thing but it's not the bad kind it's the scary in a good way and I like it.

Holy and Set A Part

To all my single brothers and sisters out there, the time for settling for just any old thing in a "relationship" is over. We are called to be the righteousness of God and if the significant other in our lives can not see that in us then maybe they shouldn't be all that significant. Ladies/ Men if your boo only calls you in the morning and texts you in the evening but you just can't call them when you get ready and you have to wait for their call then something is definitely up. Ten to one they have another other on the side who is more significant than you are and they don't want them to know about you.

If they treat you real sweet like in private but act like strangers in public you need step back and evaluate. We have to be the same always and if you can hold my hand in the bedroom then you can hold my hand at church!

If he/she tells you they are only in the relationship for the kids that is a bold faced lie from the pit of hell! They are in that relationship because they want to be in it. Folk walking around here with 20 year old grown children and lying to you and themselves about why they still in a relationship.

God says stop giving your treasure to the trash man/woman. They will never appreciate it! End of discussion, that's it, aint no more! They are not going to suddenly wake up and realize that you are the best thing since sliced bread, they should have known that from the jump! And please stop trying to convince yourselves that you have heard from the Lord and He wants you to save this person, that's His job, not yours! Amen? Amen.

If your boo ain't really your boo and you know they ain't your boo then why are you still dealing with them?
If he/she is whispering sweet nothings in your ear you have to recognize that what they are saying is just that, NOTHING! If they can't back it up with action (I don't mean sex) then it's just a lot of smoke to keep you from demanding more.
Don't fall for the I want to love you but I'm afraid of getting hurt line, you can always respond with , "that's funny since you seem to have no problems hurting me."

Know when you are being abused, they may never lay hand to you, but emotionally you are getting your tail whooped! All those highs and lows they taking you through are leaving scars, tearing down your confidence, making you think it's you not them when it really is them. If you wake up one morning and your chest aching but the doctors don't know why then it's time look at that supposedly "loving relationship". Real love does not intentionally seek to destroy, maim, hurt or kill. It encourages, strengthens and lifts. Real love says I may be upset with you but I'm not going to leave you for somebody else I'm going to make this work because I want to be with you. real love says I'm not looking to see what I can get out of this thing but what I can bring to enhance it. real loves says I'm praying for you because I want you to have everything that God has for you, real love says I don't need to have sex with you to express how I feel for you. If they can only be with you secretly then don't be with them at all. You are nothing to be ashamed of!!

People of God, we deserve the real thing! We have to be ok with being alone, cuz for real you aren't really alone, the Lord told you He would be with you always. We need to stop being so desperate and allowing the enemy to tell us that this person is our last shot. Don't believe the hype! God would never give you someone who is going to systematically destroy who He is trying to help you become.

Let go of that hurtful, painful relationship! Ask God to deliver you from the enemy, even if the enemy is you. Tell Him you only want the good things that He has in store for you, that your ready to walk away from what looks good to what is good!

Believe me once you come to the realization that you deserve more, then the load of carrying this thing around can be finally lifted! I'm a living witness!

I Love you and I pray God's blessings on you.

You got a brain use it

I'm amazed at all the young girls out here who are still following the masses. I mean with all the talk about being individuals and being unique, having your own swagga and all that why are so many chicks turning out to be just followers and not leaders. What makes you different from every other youngun out here making dumb choices. I mean come on what part of a good idea is it to open your legs for every dude that says I love you and why was it a great thing to do nothing in school and just flunk out? Great plan chick, now what do you have lined up next? Maybe just going from dude to dude cuz for real you can't get a a decent job with out a college degree but you messed up for real for real, cuz you don't even have a high school diploma. So you put up the front that you hard and all that but why is it that you flunked alone? Where the rest of the crew? Oh that's right they were just frontin, they actually did their work and will be graduating while you will still be in the 7th grade at what age is it now? Oh yeah, 18. Good luck with that.